Preparation is complete when you have a short card—not a perfect speech—with five parts: fact → impact → request → question → next step. This keeps the conversation focused on a workable change instead of releasing every accumulated frustration.
Define one issue before you write a script
Choose the work-related change that matters now. If your notes mix missed deadlines, quality, communication style, and an older conflict, separate them. One conversation does not need to repair everything.
Check four boundaries:
- you can describe the event without guessing at motives;
- you can explain its effect on the work;
- the expectation had been communicated or was reasonably available;
- you have the authority to request a change or renegotiate the agreement.
“You are unreliable” is a judgment about character. “The last two reports arrived after the agreed deadline, leaving the team less than an hour to verify the figures” describes behavior and impact.
Complete a feedback card
| Field | What to write | Example |
|---|---|---|
| Fact | One or two observable events | “The May and June reports arrived after the deadline” |
| Impact | What changed for the task or team | “The review window fell below one hour” |
| Request | The behavior needed next time | “Flag a likely delay one day in advance” |
| Question | Context you may be missing | “What is making the deadline difficult?” |
| Review | When you will revisit the agreement | “Check after the next report” |
Remove assumptions such as “they do not care” or “she always resists.” An interpretation you cannot verify should not become an accusation.
Use a five-step conversation
- State the purpose: improve a specific work process, not deliver a verdict.
- Describe the fact and its impact without a long preamble.
- Pause and ask for the other person’s view.
- Discuss a realistic change, support, and constraints.
- Agree on an action, owner, and review date.
A possible opening:
I want to discuss the timing of the last two reports. They arrived after our agreed deadline, which left the team very little time to check the numbers. What has been affecting the timing? I would like us to agree on how to flag a delay earlier.
This wording cannot guarantee agreement or a calm reaction. Its job is to make the issue clear while leaving room for information you do not have.
If fear of the reaction keeps you preparing
Rehearse the first two sentences and one question. Do not write ten versions of the full dialogue; you cannot script the other person’s response.
If emotions are running high, avoid sending an impulsive message. Schedule the conversation, preserve the relevant facts, and return to the card after a short pause. Give that pause a deadline so preparation does not become another form of avoidance.
Formal performance action, discrimination, threats, safety concerns, and legal procedures are not ordinary feedback situations. Follow organizational policy and involve the appropriate manager, HR representative, union representative, or specialist.
Close the loop
After the conversation, record the agreement rather than a transcript: action, support, owner, and review date. At the follow-up, discuss new evidence instead of returning to a character judgment.
In Flammy, you could track “prepare the feedback card” and a separate follow-up action. A tracker can keep the commitment visible; it cannot judge whether the conversation is appropriate or replace workplace policy.
If you are avoiding the contact itself, use the difficult-conversation protocol. If the problem is exposing your own work to judgment, work through fear of criticism.